The Danny DeVito’s of Sports

There’s a line in the movie “Twins” when Danny DeVito says “I’m genetic garbage.”

Mark McGwire and Dan McGwire, basically.

It probably sums up a lot of how the lesser-famous sports brothers feel.

Not all siblings can be like Venus and Serena Williams. Some have to constantly live in their sibling’s shadow.

It’s like being the third Manning brother, who’s only famous because everyone wants to know why he’s not a quarterback.

I first stumbled upon this phenomenon when Ozzie Canseco played in the majors. Oddly enough, it happened around the same time that Dan McGwire was drafted in the first round by the Seattle Seahawks. Read that last sentence again. Yes, Dan McGwire was drafted in the first round.

These guys were going to be sure things, right? After all, their older brothers were stars and carried the A’s to three straight World Series.

Same mullet, different results.


The best thing Ozzie’s known for is impersonating his brother to make money.

Dan McGwire had a sweet mullet like his older brother, but that was where the similarities ended. Maybe he should have used some of the same stuff that Mark did to be a better QB.

Speaking of brothers who used better than their siblings – how did the A’s fail again when employing Jeremy Giambi? Did they owe Jason a favor and Jeremy had to have a spot on the team?

Just slide, dummy.

Heck, it’s Jeremy’s fault that we have Derek Jeter’s crazy back-handed flip in the playoffs because the lesser Giambi didn’t slide. If he slides, he’s safe, the A’s probably go on to win and history turns out differently.

Thanks a lot, you less-talented brother.

History has all types of lesser-than brothers, guys who should all wear a shirt with the “<” symbol on it.

Some have had a better post-playing career than their more talented brethren like Tim Hasselback and Mike Golic, whose brothers Matt and Bob, respectively, were much better on the field.

Some, like Jeremy Giambi, make their own mark and are remembered for something completely different. Kind of like Billy Ripken’s “Fuck Face” card.

At least Chris Gwynn can take solace in the fact that his nephew also has to live in Tony’s long shadow, but he has to have the Hall of Famer’s name, too. Sorry, Tony Gwynn Jr.

But, we feel the worst for the third DiMaggio. At least Cooper Manning was supposedly as equally athletic as his brothers, but neck and back injuries prevented his athletic career from coming to fruition.

Instead, how would you like to be Vince DiMaggio? Not only was your brother Joe one of sports most famous athletes, but your other brother Dom was a pretty damn good ballplayer too. Instead, in your 10 seasons, you led the majors in strikeouts six times.


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