“He’s a totally radical skating machine!!”
How could you not want one?
As a Southern California kid, skateboarding was something I was familiar with and although I owned a skateboard, I wasn’t very good at it. Yet, through the wonders of T&C Surf on Nintendo I wanted to skate. Or at least, I wanted a toy that could skate.
Enter RC Radskate.
I wanted this remote-controlled skateboarder so bad. Why? I don’t really know, but he was at the top of my Christmas list and the list ended after RC Radskate.
Maybe it was being fooled by the above commercial and thinking RC Radskate could do crazy flips or something other than the one move they show three times! (at the 0:12, the 0:22 and 0:29 marks) in a 30-second video.
So, instead of shaking presents, I chose one present under the tree and started peeling back the wrapping paper, little by little, at the connecting corners. I did this every day. It was like my own version of the 12 Days of Christmas.
Finally, about a week before Christmas, I struck the mother lode. I had pulled back just enough wrapping paper to see what it revealed.
I saw that the box said “RC Radskate” – I had gotten what I wanted.
There are several cruel things about finding out your No. 1 gift before Christmas morning. First, you don’t get that unbridled joy – like this here – of opening gifts on Christmas. It’s been taken away.
Second, I think I pissed off Santa Claus, or God, or some other karmic being.
Yup, RC Radskate totally sucked ass.
He would skate about 10 feet and the batteries would pop out from underneath the skateboard. You would try to do moves and he wouldn’t do anything. The one spinning move shown all over the commercial made the batteries pop out at a lightning-fast rate.
I was crushed. And, I felt it was my fault. That cheating on my present-opening caused RC Radskate to suck.
We took him back to Toys R Us on Dec. 26 (yeah, like there would be no one there – that was a bad choice!) and most people in line had the defective piece of crap that was RC Radskate.
When my mom asked the clerk if we could exchange RC Radskate for an RC Radder-skate, the clerk told her that a) no, because they didn’t have any more and b) everyone else returning them complained of the batteries falling out too.
Stupid toy makers in their underpaid sweatshops.
Let this be a lesson: Mildly shaking gifts is OK. Cheating on opening your presents gets you the karma police and RC Shitskate.